Friday 22 March 2013

My only love story

These days, I'm always on my own.

Except for a few close friends, I'm mostly alone.

Even in the office, I restrict myself to just doing my work.

I'm not bothered to be too friendly with anybody. I'm not even interested in cultivating "connection" with the bosses as I have no ambition to "move up" in the organization. As long as they pay my salary and not bother me too much, I'm fine.

Most people think I'm morbid, which is not exactly untrue.

That's the way I'm these days.

But I'm not like this back then.

I was once young, happy, vibrant, friendly....and in love.

Yes, I was once in love with someone.

I was so in love with that someone, that I forsake everything for him.

He was my north, my south, my east, my west.

Such was my foolishness at that time.

At the end of the day, it all came to naught.

It turned out that he didn't even appreciate all that I had done for him.

He forgot all his promises.

He treated me so badly, until one day I asked him why he's doing such things to me? Have I done something wrong?

His answer was that he needed to move on, "move up in the world", he said. And I had become just a baggage to him.

And so, that conclude the only love story of my life.

It is human nature to be selfish and forget even the most solemn pledges and promises.

Do we still remember the promises that we first pledged when we first fell in love?

Do we still remember that once we promised that we would accept each other for the way we were?

Or was that all just a ruse so that we can get what we want from the other person just for that moment?

Now that we got what we want, we would like to have more....even with the other person having less than us.

And when the other person couldn't give anything anymore as we want them, we called them names, abused them with the most vile treatments, and when they still professed that they still love us, we just tell them how ugly they are in our eyes and discard them.

Now, what does that tell us as human beings?

Well, remember our social contract? The promises our forefathers made to each other half a century ago? It's the same. Once we got what we want, why be bothered with promises.

Such is human nature.

p.s Here is my favorite love song


  1. It's not wrong to love someone or things but never never never wholeheartedly ,there must be gap just in case thing's does't goes well, 'Allah yang menentukan' there must be reason or hikmah disebaliknya.

    The same thing about political party or political figure ,rational thinking should be able to guide us to make a good choice and never led us being influence by what they can promise ,like love too at the time of needs they could promise haven on earth ,can they ?, only dumps politician will do that and only 'dumps' will follow them to their haven on earth.
    It's much regretful when human were provided with brain to difference them from animal ,at time we see animals knows better to choose their' leader of quality' that could gave them assurance of their life a head .

    1. Hidup hanya sekali....22 March 2013 at 19:23

      Aisey, you read too many romance novels. Women are never monogamous. Especially western woman. Most malay women too are never monogamous. So you tricked yourself into believing theres only one man for you.

      For heavens sake. There are millions of malay men out there. The probabiity of finding a man who like you gets greater the more men you know. Be a slut. The good girls are sluts who never get caught..haha..

      Never met a beautiful Malay women who never enjoys as many men as they can.

      So whoever taught you there is such as true love must be writing romence novella.

      The best quote from a pretty girl "Hidup hanya sekali" as she enjoys all the men who came her way...muahaha..

    2. Hidup hanya sekali....

      Never know about that,what I know are China dolls keep coming to Malaysia because of good demands from sepet men to fulfill their desire ,but one thing they still stick to on wife to breeds their children,what a pity to be in that position. Hence they say is bad for the Malay to have four wife .

  2. Don't worry Annie. You'll find yourself a good man. Someone who can take a good care of you. With a deep pocket too!..

  3. Hidup mesti diteruskan. Kita merancang, tuhan juga merancang, tetapi final say tetap hak tuhan. Semua benda yang kita hendak dan dapat, kita tak nampak ia adalah kehendak tuhan tetapi bila kita tak dapat, barulah kita nampak apa itu takdir.

  4. Your favourite love song is from "Love Story" of the seventies.
    Are you a remnant of the 'Flower chidren'?
    Peace sister...right on!! :)


  5. So those in North Borneo, Sarawak - non-malay bumis and non-bumis in 1961 back to future in 1957 for the Social Contract. Wai, so many Hollywood and Bollywood actions in Malaysia.

  6. Well Ann, life is sometime very cruel.. I can feel how you must have felt. It was too much for me to take after all that I have given to someone..loyalty, trust, love, sacrifices.. all gone down the drain..when she left for someone while I'm in the US finishing my Masters

    My advice.. better get married if you are ready.. CINTA selepas KAHWIN... it is much sweeter...

  7. Opening your heart to love opens it to the possibility of getting hurt. But then if you don't take that step, you'll never have that chance of finding "the one". Cliched but c'est la vie. Best of luck & have faith that your beloved could just be around the corner away.

    1. TwitterpencariJodoh23 March 2013 at 15:12

      The Malay women, english educated, brought up on unrealistic notion of love will fail to find their men. Simply because such malay men dont exist. Why do men get married? Family expectation, social expectation. So they look for women who are interesting to their eyes. So thats it.Its that simple. Malay women have to attract the men. Get it! If you cannot attract men then he wont fall in love with you and take the trouble to marry you. Thats why theres a lot of fatherless babies. The men just dont think the women is worth the trouble keeping long term. But thnks for the sex anyway. Bagaimana nak jumpa lelaki? Masuk persatuan/gim/sukarela/marathon/band/kenduri ya pergi masuk di mana ramai orang. Masuk kelas bahasa/teknikal/kursus. Kenpa cikgu kahwin guru. Sebab muka tu jelah yg mereka jumpa. Knpa kahwin rakan sepejabat, sebab tu jela yg jumpa tiap hari. Kena cinta diri sendiri dulu, baru orang cinta kat kita. Nobody want someone desperate.
      Zukerberg dah buat sistem pencari jodoh moden kalau tak boleh jumpa lelaki tak tahulah. Ambil gmbr seksi letak kat internet beribu "minat" akan datang. Muka buka adalah cara terbaru mencari pasangan seks sampai budak pakai tudung mcm Najwa pun tahu. Dengar lagu dia. Belajar dari Najwa. Facebook/twitter/blogs adalah pencari jodoh paling efektif. Baca mcm mana Farah pakai tudung, tulis sikit pasal islam, dapat menarik Mat south Afrika sebagai teman seks yang sanggup kahwin.Baca mcm mana pelawak gemuk, botak harith iskandar kahwin ratu cantik. Jual ayat je dulu, sebelum tunjuk muka..haha. So jangan putus asa. Learn their technics.

    2. Good of you to be dismissive of Malays, men & women alike. So tell me, you one of 'em card carrying Perkasa blokes or Tokong's DAP disciples?

    3. hidup hanya sekali24 March 2013 at 15:47

      Highly educated TKC girls may not be highly street wise about lives and sex.

      The normal malay girls and men have good social life. In Kelantan, they have the highest divorce rate below 30 years old. So many ibu tunggal.

      Why? Because they get married to have sex legally as required. But that may not be ground for a mature marriage but still they have experienced life.

      So they are in need of help. Too clever for their parents generation, caught up in ustazah hell, they endup lonely.

      If its any consolation, everyone endup lonely or a lone. So be practical. Understand men and women relationship, the limitation of our expectation.

      China dolls or paid beautiful women have their niche..even an unmentioned malay leader was caught on tape. Those not caught are probably higher.

  8. I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
    You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

    May you never take one single breath for granted
    God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

    I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
    Never settle for the path of least resistance

    Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'
    Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'

    Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter
    When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider

    Lee Ann Womack's I Hope You Dance

    1. Get the sex first27 March 2013 at 21:54

      What they mean is that enjoy the sex. Maybe you get humiliated
      with rejection but hey who cares if the sex is good?

      And Warren buffet said sex is not something you save for old age hehe.

      Get it while you can still pull the chicks or guys ..

  9. I have never fallen in love, never had my heart broken. But I love songs about love that died.

    Not trying to depress you further, but perhaps you may enjoy this song by The Cranberries.

    Time heals all wounds, or is it wounds all heels?


  10. Dear Annie,
    This is quite a 'long overdued response' to this subject :)L.O.V.E
    If anyone never fall in love I would is such a lost, everyone should experience it at least once in a lifetime.
    If anyone believe in happily ever after kind of love...I would say 'foolish and naive' and even sad.
    If anyone accept that love comes in many forms and that anyone can be contented with unconditional love (not always the romantic ones)...then I would say...Wow! you've conquered all there is about life and love.
    Its easy to love someone who is beautiful, talented, healthy and all the charms in the world esp. if you in bed with him/her.
    The challange is - can you really love someone who is the opposite of the above???

  11. Annie, take heart ... i recently found out why my long gone father cherished this song so much ... it's the splendid story that goes with the song i guess ....

    Love is a many splendored thing:

    Sedangkan kekasih sejati belum muncul lagi biar kita tolong orang bantu mereka ...

  12. Your only love story deserves another dedication ma'am . . . . for renewal insya Allah

    Both light and shadow
    are the dance of Love.

    Love has no cause;
    it is the astrolabe of God’s secrets.

    Lover and Loving are inseparable
    and timeless.

    Although I may try to describe Love
    when I experience it I am speechless.

    Although I may try to write about Love
    I am rendered helpless;

    My pen breaks and the paper slips away
    at the ineffable place
    where Lover, Loving and Loved are one.

    Every moment is made glorious
    by the light of Love.

    -- Rumi